I Talked To a Stranger Today

I listen to my parents quite a bit. As much as they will deny it, I always check my actions across their advice in a great sequence of vicarious learning. One thing that we've all heard  our parents tell us is, 

"don't talk to strangers..." 

Well today, or rather a few days ago, I decided to completely ignore that rule. While waiting for my food during my lunch break I had to share a small table with a stranger. He was a young man, well dressed, and seemed a tad timid. Personally, I'm really good at socialising with people in a situation where socialising is the given norm. At parties, uni clubs, and even in lecture halls I find myself comfortable with producing random phrases out of my mouth to initiate and maintain a conversation. However, I am much truer to my introverted and shy demeanour when I am out in public places. As sociable as I am, I am not the type to start up a conversation with a stranger. This was the perfect opportunity to further develop my social skills, and it was quite an experience. 

The Conversation

It all started with an awkward silence, as we both checked our phones trying to pretend to have something interesting to look at. I would've normally let the silence go by without interruption, but what the heck... 

"So do you eat here a lot?" 

He nodded right before continuing to inform me that this particular burger joint was all the rage at his firm. From this I inferred that he had to be of working age, however he didn't look very old. I prodded some more, asking for his age, his occupation, and how he felt about his current way of life. In doing so I made sure to lace in some flattery and my own anecdotal opinion. As I had expected, the hardest part of the conversation was the beginning; every other bit was just like the conversations I had in lecture halls, uni clubs, and parties. 

"What's that word for someone who's lost their excitement and enthusiasm in life? So much that they're just living the routine?" 

I learnt about the harsh reality of working life. Work, work, work... That's all you do, or at least that's what I've been told. This stranger was a "first year" worker, much like how I am a first year university student. Ironic isn't it. From one first year to another. Both of us at the extremes of our excitement and enthusiasm in life. There's me, the completely optimistic guy who's keen on learning; and there's him, the completely jaded individual who just wants to earn a living and get on with life. Will I lose my enjoyment of life? Have I already done so? That sounds like the topic of another post. 

Why Talk to Strangers? 

This post is about talking to strangers; it's not about what they say. Anyone can say anything, but the question is whether you will be willing to listen and reply to them. The real challenge is actually initiating the conversation. I've learnt a few good opening phrases... 

• "How are we doing today?" - Real casual. The use of "we" adds to friendliness. 
• "You come here a lot?" - A genuine question. It allows them to talk about their interests. 
• "What are you studying?" - Every uni student loves to start with this one. 
• "Are you alright?" - Depending on when you use it, it can be either comedic or genuinely sympathetic. Did just sneeze incredibly loudly? Comedic moment. Do they look a little flustered? Sympathetic moment. 

The key is to create an instant connection or some form of familiarity. Something that the both of you can relate to. The worst thing that could happen is that they just ignore you. I really recommend trying to start a conversation with someone random. You'd be surprised where it could lead. 

I'm still the introverted and shy guy in public. Just talking to that one guy that one time doesn't suddenly make one an overtly confident speaker. It'll take time, but eventually I'll become a better person from it. Talking to strangers doesn't just improve your ability to communicate with random people, but it also improves your ability to communicate with your close acquaintances. That girl that you like is just a hello away. If you don't think you're ready to talk to someone that matters then practise with people that don't matter. 

Take Home Message 

The rule about not talking to strangers is merely a thematic device I'm using to explain my point, but there is another bit of wisdom from my parents that's worth sharing. 

"The most important skill is communication." 

I strongly encourage you to go out and talk to people. It doesn't matter if it's your friends, family, strangers, acquaintances, or even your crushes. Not only can it make you more confident, but it can also increase the quality of successive conversations. Go for it! 

What about you? Do you have trouble talking to people? Have any strangers shared some interesting stories? Have you never realised that you could practise talking to your grocer? Let me know in the comments!